“We’ll find a match for you!”
-every dating site on the Internet
Dating horror stories. Everyone has at least one, often the first (and usually the last) meeting with that special someone you never, ever want to see again. But just as tragedy is comedy plus time, after a while those epically awful encounters can mellow into an amusing anecdote. For example, back in my mild youth, I went on a date to the Red River Ex. My date was sweet and charming and determined to show me a good time by treating both of us to every single ride, the faster and higher the better. Determined to be a good sport, I ignored my natural inclinations to remain firmly on the ground and went on the rides. Unfortunately for both of us, my date’s generosity also extended to the food trucks, before we went on the rides. I’m sure you can imagine what happened next, and it wasn’t an invitation for a second date. I’ve sometimes wondered what my date’s version of the evening’s events sounds like, but I’ve never dared to find out. Some things should remain a mystery.
But what if you were literally dating someone from a horror story? Given the theory that there’s someone other there for everyone, even some of the most legendary monsters in literature should be able to find their perfect mate and what better way to do that than by joining a dating website? And, if they did, what might their dating profile look like? Read on to see…
- DOB: 1897 in Rumania
- Turn Ons: bare necks, formal evening wear
- Turn Offs: Italian food, watching the sunrise
- Favorite music: the children of the night… what sweet music they make!
- Seeking: someone whose love will never die
One date with me will seem like an eternity!
- DOB: not really sure, but I’ve been around since ancient Egyptian times
- Turn Ons: the full moon, long walks in the forest
- Turn Offs: barbershops, silver bullets
- Favorite music: Van Morrison’s Moondance
- Seeking: Someone who likes the thrill of the chase
If you like the nightlife then I’m the one for you!
- DOB: 1886 in London
- Turn Ons: mixed drinks, chemistry experiments
- Turn Offs: hangovers, people who are afraid to be themselves
- Favorite music: depends on my mood
- Seeking: someone who appreciates me for who I really am
I’m full of surprises, you never know who you’re going to get!
Who could resist one of these faces? Or their stories! Just imagine dazzling your friends at your next get together with grand and glorious tales after a night on the town with one of these guys. But you won’t find profiles like these on any old dating website. To see more dating horror stories check out the display at the St. James Library, and swipe right…if you dare!